what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
did you just send me my own nude
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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