I think I just saw someone hide a body.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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