U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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