I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
