they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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