11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
