Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
