She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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