Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
