There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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