Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
