capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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