we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
