I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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