I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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