Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
