proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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