she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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