Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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