If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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