apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
