No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
