There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
