my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize