And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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