Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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