I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
