apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
