I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
