Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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