i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
