if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She even gives head with a lisp.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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