Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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