how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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