Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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