She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
