I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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