If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
