I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
