On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
