do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
