I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
