Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
pray to the hookup gods
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
