i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
