i dont even know how to be here
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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