So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
