CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize