Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i think my cat just said my name.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Panties = found
Randomize
