so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
