I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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