so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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