i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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