I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
