Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
