It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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