I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
