those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he fucked my hip out of place.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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