I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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