quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
