I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
