i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
