Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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