apparently the secret to your success is patron
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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