Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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