She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
