You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize