Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
