At least make sure they are 18
Why
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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