I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize