just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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