So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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