Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
